Grief in the Age of Social Media: How Online Communities are Changing the Way We Mourn

Whether it be mourning the loss of a relationship or attending the funeral of a beloved, the feeling of grief touches our lives at some point or another. Defined as the emotional response to loss, grief is an inherent part of the human condition. Psychiatrists typically categorize grief into two categories: normal and complicated (Zisook & Shear, 2009). Whilst normal grief refers to an unpleasant short-term experience, complicated grief can lead to serious disruption to daily life. Sharing similar symptoms to a physical disease (e.g. pain, impairment), both states can trigger intense psychiatric complications like major depression. With large implications, it is the mental health clinicians who play a vital role in guiding individuals through the stages of grief.

However, in recent years, a secondary aid has emerged — social media. Individuals have begun to utilize these communal online platforms, such as Reddit and Instagram, to find specialized grief support. In the aftermath of school shootings at Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois University, it was reported that students gravitated towards social media to find support (University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 2010). Though the study ultimately concluded that social media did not have a positive nor negative effect on the students’ mental health, many described experiencing short-term relief having found online communities. It is the growing popularity of virtual spaces that has fundamentally changed the way in which we mourn. Siena College professor, Carla Sofka, even coined a term for newfound use case — thanatechnology, which refers to technology that can be used to deal with grief (Cooper, 2023). Gradually, the mental health field is employing online platforms to provide psychological support.

Bridging the Divide, Digitally

With a quick Google search, individuals gain access to millions of support groups tailored to their specific needs. They are able to easily find those who can empathize with their situation, and furthermore, provide crucial advice. Discussions on grief allow individuals to gain varying perspectives, widening their worldview on the topic. Not only does this cultivate togetherness, but it also reduces typical symptoms of grief, such as isolation. During the COVID-19 pandemic, it was this method that provided the most solace. With strict social distancing regulations, individuals were unable to physically support those before passing. According to a study by Cardiff University, almost two thirds of individuals experienced intense loneliness as a symptom of grief (Harrop, 2021). With a further lack of bereavement services, individuals are forced to find another means of aid. Furthermore, social media services helped connect family members who could not mourn face-to-face. Whether it be border divisions or isolation regulations, social media plays a crucial role in uniting families through hardships.

The Virtual Vigil

In the spirit of togetherness, social media helps bring people together to better honour individuals. Online tributes are live-streamed and posted, filled with outpouring support in the form of comments, to memorialize them. When individuals pass, it is in our human nature to celebrate them. As part of our grief etiquette, we highlight the various accolades across their life. The addition of virtual memorials, such as posts, provides a permanent space where the bereaved’s memory can live on. A study examining celebrity deaths in the UK discovered that virtual memorials create a safe space for individuals to process their emotions, particularly through creative freedom (Maddrell, 2012). With the shock associated with one’s passing, it is crucial that the mourner take their time with processing emotions. As artfully articulated by the hospice bereavement coordinator at Mayo Clinic Health System, Jeanne Atkinson, “Expressing feelings can help lead to acceptance” (Headspace, 2021). These permanent memorials allow individuals to return at any point to express their grief and connect with others.

Scroll To Heal?

Though social media has revolutionized the way in which society mourns, it does not offer a foolproof solution to overcoming grief. Virtual support groups can provide ambivalent outcomes. In some cases, individuals might be subjected to insensitive comments and “trolls” who choose to undermine their sorrows. Moreover, with permanent memorials, it may feel more difficult to move forward (Headspace, 2021). These virtual tributes also act as a constant reminder of what has been lost. Amidst grief, the ability to stay present is critical. Excessive rumination can contribute to depressive symptoms, harming an individual’s ability to navigate the stages of grief (Cooper, 2023).

However, it is the portrayal of grief online that can cause issues. Questions like “Am I posting too much?” or “Am I not posting enough?” can lead to negative self-concept, where individuals’ social media can feed their insecurities. While the online realm can be accepting, it can be equally as critical. 

Grief in the Digital Age

As social media continues to evolve, so will our methods of processing grief. Even with the advantages and disadvantages associated with this digital age, it is crucial to acknowledge the personal nature of grief. From connecting and honouring individuals to instigating rumination, individuals will engage in social media according to their own unique needs. In today’s age of online criticism, it is crucial to remember that there is no “abnormal” way to grieve, so let’s offer compassion instead.

Resources for Dealing with Grief

Here are a few helpful resources for any individuals navigating through grief:

1. SWC’s Grief Support Sharing Circle: The Student Wellness Centre hosts a support group for students experiencing grief through reflection and peer support. Please check out this article for the specific drop-in dates.

2. The Student Wellness Centre: The Student Wellness Centre also provides individual counselling services for students. You can call 905-526-9140 x277000 to book an appointment. For more information on the services offered, please check out their website.

3. Hamilton Health Sciences Resource List: Hamilton Health Sciences created a free resource list containing various free online and in-person grief resources. Please check out the list here. 

References 

Cooper, S. (2023, December). The benefits and challenges of grieving online. Counseling Today. https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/the-benefits-and-challenges-of-grieving-online 

Harrop, E. (2021, September 15). Two-thirds report social isolation and loneliness following loss of a loved one during pandemic. Cardiff University. https://www.cardiff.ac.uk/news/view/2559935-two-thirds-report-social-isolation-and-loneliness-following-loss-of-a-loved-one-during-pandemic 

Headspace. (2021, September 8). How social media is changing the way we grieve. Headspace. https://www.headspace.com/articles/social-media-changing-grief 

Maddrell, A. (2012). Online memorials: the virtual as the new vernacular. Bereavement Care, 31(2), 46–54. https://doi.org/10.1080/02682621.2012.710491 

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. (2010, October 21). Researchers analyze student grief online after campus shootings. ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101020121208.htm 

Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: what psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry (WPA), 8(2), 67–74. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2051-5545.2009.tb00217.x